All of us can neglect our relationships at times. When things get hectic with work and life rather than turning to our partners for support we can neglect them. Think through these top tips and see if it could help you and your partner…
1) Be interested.
Our lives can become a constant repetition of a routine.Sometimes this can seem monotonous and it can seem like life has become a bit boring. Actually, every day is different. New things happen to us all the time, however small they are. Be interested in what happens to you and then be interested in what happens to your partner. Take the time to ask them how things are going for them, if you are really interested you will have more conversation and this will help you connect more regularly.
When we have been in a relationship for some time it is so easy to let our time together pass in a blur. We can spend so much time on autopilot, doing things automatically without really thinking or feeling in that moment. Think about the last time you kissed your partner, can you remember when that was? Were you present in the moment or were you rushing out the door thinking about work? Think about the last time you were in bed together, were you fully focused on your partner or was your mind elsewhere? When we are present in the moment we enjoy ourselves so much more. Physical contact is the perfect time to see the results of this. The sensation of touch really can keep us in the moment.
Take the time to write down the qualities that you find attractive in your partner. The things that you value in your partner can inspire you. If they are kind, supportive and generous see if you can follow suit. If they are focused on what they want to achieve see how you could benefit from being more like them. If they have the ability to rest and relax and you struggle to do this try out some of their habits. It is amazing what we can learn from others, everyone can teach us something.
It is so easy to slip into trying to change our partners. If only they would tidy up after themselves. If only they would open up more. If only… The list will be different for everyone. Sometimes allowing things to be just as they are rather than wanting to change things can be the toughest challenge of all but if you can master it then life becomes much more calm and enjoyable. Many of our day to day bickers can be over things that really don’t matter. By taking a step back before you pass comment on something that niggles you, you have the opportunity to decide whether it really is worth saying anything. Sometimes a conversation about an issue will be necessary but taking a little time before you do it can result in a much better timing and a much more tactful approach that avoids conflict.
We all say things we don’t mean. We all act without thinking at times. Sometimes the result can be hurtful. We might be offended, upset or even angry when our partners are the culprits. We can’t control the actions of others but we can change our reactions to them. Learning to do this is a fundamental life skill. By learning to understand where your partner is coming from you can get a proper understanding of what is really going on. Perhaps a stressful drive home is more to blame for their mood on their return home rather than anything you have done or said. Perhaps worry about the next day is taking over their mind when they seem to lack affection.
6)Respond, Don’t React
When difficulties arise then learning to respond rather than react can change everything. When we react we can make things worse and can later regret what we said or did. If we react then we have taken time to consider our next move before we do it. When we are happy with our actions we cut down on our mental chatter. We avoid feelings of worry, guilt and anxiety because we feel that we have acted well. A calm mind allows us to move on and enjoy life.
Think of your relationship, just like you would in a bank account. Taking all the time can leave you in deficit and things can start to look bleak. Paying into your account more often can leave you feeling positive and spurred on to do more of it. Giving to others really can make us happy. When we want to do something thoughtful for others we focus our attention on seeking out that opportunity. It it so important that we are not doing this to seek thanks otherwise we can slip into feelings of disappointment and resentment. Sometimes doing actions that will not even be noticed are the best because we avoid any expectation arising in our mind about the result of our action.
To get started with meditation and a mindful lifestyle come on a Revitalise Day. It could be just what you need to get focussed on what is important to you.